Keen drinkers have decided to set their own rules for when to start a period of sobriety in January, it has emerged. 

With no ‘official’ rule book in place, daily drinkers are opting to shift the goal posts of their good intentions, often made in the week prior to January after a six day mulled wine fuelled bender. 

The Dry January movement has also called into question when January really starts, with some claims that the month doesn’t really get going until you’ve completed your first full week in work. At this point, all of the anxieties of life come creeping back into the mind, meaning the inevitable reliance on alcohol provides a welcome escape to your blank, corporate existence. 

Secret alcoholics positioned in the middle class of society, who think little of sinking a bottle of cheap Sauvignon Blanc on a Tuesday tea time, are the most vocal group. 

Key Account Manager Theresa Connell said: “I got so pissed over Christmas, the Daily Mail photographers pictured me pulling a moony for one of their annual ‘look at these disgusting women’ pieces. 

“Undeterred, I got royally fucked up for the rest of the break, but pledged myself to Dry January, like Jordan has. 

“I started back at work today and all I can think about is drinking wine, maybe even a bottle of cider as well. It’s only 10am. But I figured it was OK, January can’t really start on the 1st anyway as technically I’m still drinking from New Years Eve, so I’ve decided to start my Dry January on the 29th this year. 

“I have too many commitments, plus too many Mondays and things in between.” 

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