News outlets across the country are trawling through historic snow related articles and hitting copy, paste and re-post, it has emerged.
An accidental tweet sent out by the Met Office earlier included the word snow, which very quickly escalated and sent newsrooms across the country into meltdown, as they excitedly scrambled around for last year’s clickbait article on how many people were going to die from snow related incidents.
Journalists have found a series of images depicting that snow will be arriving where you live, which members of the general public can’t find anywhere on any form of weather forecasting site. Reports have begun to circulate that the forces are deploying planes and tanks to blindly shoot missiles at clouds in order to try and prevent chaos from falling on our heads in the form of mini white Corn Flakes.
Government spokesperson Pete Bowen said: “We’re advising members of the public to acquire as many bottles of milk and loaves of bread as they possibly can.
“If you’re considering building an underground bunker so that you can barricade yourself inside it, then you’re thinking along the right lines. Don’t be afraid to kill members of your family either, they could provide a useful food source for you.”
Transport chiefs have stated: “Trains won’t be running on time, but that’s got little to do with snow. If you’re travelling by car, anticipate lots of traffic and Polar bear attacks. You should also be aware that with snow, there may be penguins sliding on their stomachs across the M4.”
All eyes are also on Theresa May as she presides over the first snowfall of her premiership, staying true to form however, she’s remaining tight lipped on strategy so as not give the snow the upper hand.
Met Office spokesperson Theresa Connell said: “Our forecast consists of thousands of people leaving work, school or college and building up a massive anticipation around how much time they’re going to get off.
“We also forecast a light flurry of snow around 9pm to tease everyone, but when they wake up in the morning it’ll be a grey, slushy mess. Not enough to get you a day off, but perilous enough to provide a hazardous and terrifying journey to work.”
photo credit: BriarCraft <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/53470892@N08/31423541771″>Tracks in the Slush</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>(license)</a>