No social class is prepared to accept any responsibility for the Uplands, a recent study has found.
The area, located around a mile outside of Swansea City Centre, is home to an array of residents with locals able to acquire Class A drugs as easily as quinoa.
Self employed SEO something Pete Bowen, 37, said: “There’s no question in my mind that the area is completely middle class.
“We host vegan dinner parties with fellow socialist friends who bask in the warmth of capitalist rays. We often discuss how terrible people from Mumbles are and sometimes we even think about donating to ‘food banks’, invariably we don’t, but the intention is very much there.
“The fact my parents’ income doesn’t stretch to buying us a house in Gower has little to do with our decision to live here. With the leftover allowance they give us we send our kids to private school, which by the way, is where? The Uplands.
“We live in a Victorian terrace, which is positively bursting with originality and hygge and there’s pomposity seeping out of the walls. It’s perfect.”
Drug dealer Theresa Connell, 21, said: “I love the Uplands, I live next door to Pete’s family in a nearly condemned HMO with 18 bed sits in it. Pete hovers around a little when his wife’s working in an independent art gallery because he secretly loves skunk.
“His wife’s lovely but I hear her crying a lot, nothing do with living here I don’t think, she just really seems to want a Range Rover.
“The area provides me with a richly diverse customer base, which is great for business. Ultimately we all end up getting pissed in the Tav or Noah’s in the summertime and I reckon that makes us all equal.”