Residents of Blaenymaes are excited about gentrification making its way to the area, bringing with it a wave of gourmet pop up food stalls and self aware twats.

During a residents meeting in the Community Centre, a discussion around the spread of genital warts was mistakingly labelled gentrification, leading to one resident to Google the word to find out if she had it.

Theresa Connell, 38 and from Broughton Avenue said: “Once I found out what gentrification was all about I thought I’d bring it up, especially as the genital warts aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

“How nice would it be to live by loads of graphic designers and freelancers? We could have trendy drugs like kale. Disputes with neighbours would be resolved with passive aggressive comments and not knives.

“Blaenymaes is seriously lacking in ironic, self absorbed twats. Plus the flat I bought from the council 10 years would sell for enough money for me to buy a holiday home in the Maldives.”

Brighton based Production Executive Pete Bowen said: “We’ve been looking at a new area to gentrify for a while. The Morris dancing classes and home brew bars in Brighton have become a little ‘normy’.

“Blaenymaes seems perfect for our own brand of twat behaviour. I think a lot of people would love to hear my stories, which are all about me.

“I think the horses that roam the area could have a cart attached to them and it could be the new method of hipster travel.”

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