A criminal gang of Potato Waffle loving 6 year olds is behind the vegetable shortage in UK supermarkets.
The group is rumoured to be fed up by the introduction of green stuff to their usually delicious dinners of Super Noodles or hot dogs from a tin.
Taking inspiration from a Topsy and Tim episode where the twins did a rain dance to cure Mummy’s alcoholism, the gang proceeded to dance until storms hit the Mediterranean and ruined soon to be imported crops.
Gang leader Pete Bowen, aged 6 and three-quarters said: “If I wanted shit food with my rubbery frozen burgers or microwaved jacket potatoes I’d become a vegan.
“We’re fed up of finishing the nice parts of dinner then having our parents delay our puddings while we attempt to eat cabbage.
“Do you eat sprouts with the bottle of wine and 20 Kalms you swallow every night?”
Mum Theresa Connell said: “I’m not a bit surprised that my little shit of a child has been involved in this.
“Trying to get some goodness inside him is like trying to reason with a UKIP voter. He’ll be sorry when he’s diabetic because I’m not pricking the fat fuck’s finger because I faint at the sight of blood.”