Scores of women across the country are preparing their ‘wow’ faces for when they open yet another disappointing Pandora gift this Valentines Day.
The jewellery chain, who’ve been feeding a lack of male imagination in the UK for over 10 years, make billions out of people who think buying a charm for every diary event is a fantastically original thing to do.
It’s been estimated that women in a five year relationship with a ‘Pandora peddler’ can gain around 10kg in weight, just from the jewellery. In extreme cases, some women have grown Popeye sized arms or become lopsided.
Serial Pandora recipient Theresa Connell said: “My fella bought me a Pandora bracelet in 2008, it was great for a year or two but now I want to cut my hands off at my wrists so I don’t need to wear it anymore.
“He’s rinsed thousands on these charms and has moved onto these tacky looking rings, which are expensive for what they are but also look more expensive than they are.
“Its mass manufactured and unoriginal. We’ve been together 10 years, propose to me, and with real diamonds you worthless shit.”
Theresa’s boyfriend Pete Bowen said: “Pandora is a dream, apart from when I have to queue for two hours the day before Christmas/Valentines/Birthday/Mothers Day.
“When the Pandora saleswoman told me I could just buy a charm for every event I could’ve kissed her. What would I do otherwise? Think about an original present? No thanks.
“Every time she gets a Pandora treat she just looks so pleased, almost to the point where it looks slightly fake, a bit like the jewellery itself.”
photo credit: Phillip Pessar <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/25955895@N03/30664787492″>Pandora Store Brickell City Centre</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>