Parents of children who attend Ffynone House private school have decided they want in on this ‘free school’ concept the Government have been talking about.

The parents, who currently pay around £3,000 a term, are also shelling out for private tuition, uniforms from the 1930s and vital extra-curricular activities like tax avoidance and boules.

Mum Theresa Connell said: “We send our kids to Ffynone because everyone knows privately educated children make far better drug connections when they’re older, and they get to say ‘absolutely’ instead of yes.

“We dream that one day our son Frankie will be one of those MPs who are caught sniffing cocaine off an escort in a Nazi uniform, with a rolled up £10 note that was taxed from a poor person.

“That being said, we don’t feel our income tax cuts go far enough and I’m fed up of paying for the right to social superiority, we should have it for free because we own a Range Rover. Well, it’s a PCP deal, but you get the picture.

“The free schools proposed by Westminster barely have any curriculum in them. State education is so bogged down with learning that my Frankie would never be able to flourish in an environment like that. He’s so misunderstood by pig class education.

“It blows my mind that parents can look their children in the eyes, tell them they love them and then send them to a school which has paint peeling off the walls and absolutely no tennis club.”

photo credit: barbasboth <a href=”″>Pippa [Stranger 118] Oxford Street, London</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;