Parents of children who attend Ffynone House private school have decided they want in on this ‘free school’ concept.

The parents, who are currently paying around £3,000 a term are also shelling out for private tuition, uniforms from the 1930s and extra-curricular activities like tax avoidance and boules.

Mum Theresa Connell said: “We send our kids to Ffynone because everyone knows privately educated children make far better drug connections when they’re older and they learn to say ‘absolutely’ instead of yes.

“We hope that one day our son Frankie will be one of those MPs who are caught sniffing cocaine off a rent boy with a rolled up £10 note that was taxed from a poor person.

“That being said, we don’t feel our income tax cuts go far enough and I’m fed up of paying for the right to social superiority, we should have it for free because we own a Range Rover. Well, it’s a PCP deal, but you get the picture.

“The free schools proposed by Westminster barely have any curriculum in them.  State education is so bogged down with learning that my Frankie would never be able to flourish in an environment like that. He’s so misunderstood by pig class education.

“It blows my mind that parents can look their children in the eyes, tell them they love them and then send them to a school which has paint peeling off the walls and absolutely no tennis club.”


photo credit: barbasboth <a href=”″>Pippa [Stranger 118] Oxford Street, London</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;