Hipsters have commandeered Castle Square in Swansea City Centre because its so ‘epically shit’.
City Centre visitors have reported a sharp rise in young people wearing high vis jackets, trilbies and genital crushing jeans riding vintage bikes and slating Jeremy Corbyn for being too right wing.
Hipster Theresa Connell said: “I just love the postmodernism of the concrete, although I do worry that concrete is becoming too mainstream. I’m starting to see concrete everywhere, but that’s probably because we made it cool.
“I definitely think they should call it Castle ‘Gardens’ again, because there’s no plant life so it can’t be a garden! That would be so ironic and I fucking love irony.
“I just know the people throwing money into the fountain are releasing themselves from the shackles of the capitalist culture of Swansea City Centre and that’s sick.”
City Centre Ranger Pete Bowen said: “I’m not really sure what they’re doing here, they keep pestering me for a wifi code so they can update their blogs.
“I prefer the substance abusers because it’s a lot quicker to clean up empty calls of Special Brew than pretentious bullshit.
“The Police are no help, they have a handy banning system for addicts, which really helps them out with their addiction issues.
“Apparently you can’t ban someone for drinking artisan coffee and having a Hitler moustache.”
Theresa added: “We’re going to move onto Parc Tawe next and make that place cool.
“Perhaps we’ll race around on penny farthing bikes and meditate in Plantasia amongst all the nature.”
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