An aspirational West Cross couple are prepared to not see their children on Christmas Day if it means they receive an invite to Bonnie Tyler’s house, it has emerged.

Pete Bowen and his wife Theresa explained that they ‘feel sick’ every Christmas Day knowing that just down the road there’s a collection of incredibly important people laughing loudly, while wearing expensively shit smart casual clothing.

Theresa said: “We’ve lived in Mayals for a few years, but we haven’t managed to break into the inner circle yet.  All we want to do is bask in the warm glow of elitism and get shit faced at 10am at Bonnie’s on Christmas morning.

“I was crying so much about only being with my family last Christmas that Pete suggested we take a drive down to Bonnie’s house anyway.  We decided to park the car badly on Mumbles Road by her house and ran across the road and hid in the bushes for a few hours to give passers by the impression we were there.

“It felt so good to know that people were driving past and could see our Renault Clio outside, like we were finally part of it.  It was also a nice way to spend some family time together.”

Pete added: “I really want to get in there and talk about all the money I haven’t got while quaffing champagne and pretending I know the difference between vintage and non-vintage fizz.

“We figured our Achilles heel has to be the kids.  Gaynor doesn’t want those little fuck-wits running around and neither do I.  So we’re going to re-invent ourselves a bit and leave the kids at my Mum’s every weekend and go drinking in Cru in Mumbles, we’ll just tell our new friends we’ve packed them off to Boarding School and are now happily childless.

“It’s a month until Christmas so we really need to start planning now so we can build trust amongst the truly important people in our lives.  The kids are pretty keen to have someone to listen to them and give them cuddles too, but that’s just not us.”

photo credit: adambowie <a href=”″>Bonnie Tyler</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;