Many people identified as ‘Champagne Socialists’ in the City are barely drinking Cava, it has emerged.
The ideological people who weirdly oppose war and meat, hang off the coat-tails of idols Lilly Allen and Emma Thompson, who drink real Champagne and have access to top grade coke.
Web Designer Theresa Connell from West Cross said: “The champagne socialist title appealed to me because I thought you just signed up and then celebrities sent you free bubbly.
“Turns out the champagne bit is hard to sustain. I live in Swansea West, but I haven’t paid my council tax for 6 months and they’re getting all antsy about it.
“So as it turns out you won’t find me quaffing Bolly on a Tuesday afternoon while reading up on the work of Karl Marx.”
Trainee Nurse Pete Bowen added: “I spend most of my bursary on kale and Crossfit, so my champagne intake is quite low, non-existent in fact.
“I may treat myself to a mini bottle of Cava at the end of the term, but other than that the only bubbles I enjoy are from ASDA lemonade.
“I just want everyone to be equal and for there to be peace, so I guess it’s my own fault for being such a snowflake.”
photo credit: Neenabeena <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/94683489@N00/5448290364″>Backyard BBQ</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a>
Champagne socialists bloody DISGUST me! Just because you’ve done quite well for yourself by chance of birth and the opportunities provided for you by the state, doesn’t mean you should wish the same for your fellow human scum. I gargle Champagne in front of the YMCA and then spit it on the homeless people.
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