Many people identified as ‘Champagne Socialists’ in the City are barely drinking Cava, it has emerged.

The ideological people who weirdly oppose war and meat, hang off the coat-tails of idols Lilly Allen and Emma Thompson, who drink real Champagne and have access to top grade coke.

Web Designer Theresa Connell from West Cross said: “The champagne socialist title appealed to me because I thought you just signed up and then celebrities sent you free bubbly.

“Turns out the champagne bit is hard to sustain. I live in Swansea West, but I haven’t paid my council tax for 6 months and they’re getting all antsy about it.

“So as it turns out you won’t find me quaffing Bolly on a Tuesday afternoon while reading up on the work of Karl Marx.”

Trainee Nurse Pete Bowen added: “I spend most of my bursary on kale and Crossfit, so my champagne intake is quite low, non-existent in fact.

“I may treat myself to a mini bottle of Cava at the end of the term, but other than that the only bubbles I enjoy are from ASDA lemonade.

“I just want everyone to be equal and for there to be peace, so I guess it’s my own fault for being such a snowflake.”

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