Following another attempt at being a politician, this time in Russia, Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has turned to the Gwent Boxing Club in Townhill to beat the shit out of Russia.

Utter moron Johnson is due to visit Dyfed Avenue later today to discuss plans to fly some of the boys over to chin Putin to sort it once and for all.

Johnson said: “Everyone knows if you want a ‘job’ doing you look to Townhill. Sure they may not be cyber experts, but you can’t argue with a traditional knuckle sandwich.

“I tried following protocol and engaging G7 but they’re not playing ball. So I’ve decided to send the boys over with Government issued knuckle dusters.”

Amateur boxer Pete Bowen said: “I don’t know who this Boris fella is, he’s a bit of a minge actually, but he’s paying for my flight so why not.

“All Boris has told me is that a guy called Putin has called my mother a slag, so I’m going to beat the shit out of him with some of the boys from up the club and ultimately create world peace.”

Boris added: “While I’m here I’m going to go all Bullingdon and smash up Chicken on the Hill.”

photo credit: leafar. <a href=”″>London Mayor Boris Johnson</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;