The son of God has spoken out with disapproval over the behaviour of a number of people who reside Swansea. 

In a rare interview, Jesus has confirmed that fake tanning, consuming drugs for pleasure and idolising the Kardashians are not valid reasons for him dying.

Jesus said: “I’m a bit put out, I’ll be honest. 

“I probably had a bit more to offer in my own life, I had a maturing property portfolio and made some sound investments in vineyards. But I gave it all up. 

“I just felt by dying I could release a bit of pressure on people who perhaps blasphemed occasionally, or indulged in erotic homosexual thoughts. Definitely not snorting powder acquired from Chinese websites or fucking around with your appearance. 

“I understand things change, but the modern version of the resurrection shouldn’t be going out two nights in a row on an hours sleep.” 

Theresa Connell from Bonymaen said: “We have a lot in common, I only feed my children selectively and my Dad’s a carpenter. 

“He’s a little hypocritical because I have out of body experiences when I take ket. Except when he has them people praise him, he gets a book deal and two Bank Holidays in his honour.” 

photo credit: Antonio Calero Garcia <a href=”″>La Pasión</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;