With Local Government Elections coming up in May, nominees from the Conservative Party are working around the clock to positively engage with voters, it has emerged.

Representatives from the party, who brought us initiatives like the big society and trickle-down economics, have lined up a strong contingent of candidates who are eagerly waiting in their home studies in SA3 to support people in Swansea East.

Pete Bowen, from the posh part of West Cross who is running for Bonymaen said: “Once I’ve worked out whether it’s pronounced ‘Boney-maen’ or ‘Bonny-maen’ I’ll be straight up there. I think it’s up; maybe it’s down and left?

“Anyway, I’m here for you and I can’t wait to tell you all about the complex tax affairs of London based hedge funds and how we plan to support them by exploiting Swansea, especially with that City Deal thingy signed off by TM.”

Theresa Connell from Langland who’s running for Townhill added: “I can see Townhill sometimes when I drive to Sainsburys to pick up a Charlie Bigham Lasagne on my cheat meal night, so it makes sense that I diligently serve them.

“You have no idea how difficult it’s been trying to find a time to nip up there for a photo op because I only drive a Mercedes and Cheryl in yoga told me they still try and rob the badge, even though it’s stuck to the bonnet now.

“Now the lighter mornings are here I should be OK, I can go up there after I finish my sun salutations at around 8am, everyone will be in bed then because that’s what they do and it’ll look like I’m there when the residents would normally be walking around, smoking that ‘spice’ drug I read about in the Daily Mail.”

Rob Gray from Newton who’s standing for St Thomas continued: “I’ve been working very hard on Google and I’ve found out that St Thomas was the birthplace of Sir Harry Secombe.

“Funny story actually, my Dad who is ridiculously wealthy and funds my whole life, once bid £1,000 for a jock strap in a charity auction once worn by the late-great Dennis Thatcher from when he played squash once, anyway who was there calling him a total moron? Sir Harry Secombe.

“I pledge to serve you with same dedication as the Thatcher family showed when they enriched the lives of so many in South Wales, once my sat-nav works out where you are. Bloody thing!”


photo credit: adebrophy <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/11956237@N00/5412895302″>Conservative forest sale</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;