A Dad from Manselton has been telling his kids all about how he used to go out midday Saturday and still be partying now before they came along.
Pete Bowen, 39, got up at 7am this morning with his two children Frankie and Maisie and decided to sit them down for an honest discussion about how great life was for him once upon a time.
Pete said: “The kids woke up at 6:30, on Sunday bloody morning. I tried to get them back to sleep but Frankie gets really twitchy and kicked me in the bollocks twice, so I reluctantly went downstairs.
“There was a Paw Patrol on that we’d all seen a couple of times so I thought I’d bring out a few stories from the archives.”
Gathering his kids around like he was holding an inappropriate Sunday School meeting, Pete told them: “You know kids, once upon a time Daddy would’ve stayed awake all night long on Saturday and would currently be sat in a house party in Mount Pleasant after leaving a karate club called Ken-Bu-Kan.
“Daddy and his friends would head out at around midday, go the pub to watch football and have several drinks of Daddy pop and a pack of 20 Regal, which are like the candy sticks you have at Halloween.
Pete continued: “Daddy and his friends all used to chip in for a few bags of Sherbet Dip and head off into Wind Street, which is where I take you for food in Nando’s when Mummy and Daddy argue.
“We’d all go to a club called Escape and we’d all be very energetic after having between three and nine Jelly Tot type sweeties because they were three for a tenner, a bit like when you two get a sugar rush and go bouncing around in soft play.
He added: “Now because fruit is important we’d go somewhere called Top Banana, where you could play sport in the form of pool, or alternatively drink a sickly orange drink and buy lots of drugs, sorry I mean, more sweets.
“After that Daddy and his friends would go to a karate club where we would either learn karate through bad dancing, or we’d relax in the changing rooms telling each other how much we loved each other before we’d sit in a house watching BBC News, inhaling broccoli through a bong and hiding from any light coming in through the cracks in the curtains. Good old days.”
Maisie said: “It sounds like Daddy has some unresolved issues. We had a leaflet about ‘Talk to Frank’ in school and I’m not sure he should be offloading this on us just because my brother’s called Frankie.
“He fell asleep soon after so we started drawing on his face with permanent marker and shaving off his eyebrows. We thought he may have been angry when he woke up, but he laughed and said it was just like the old days.”
photo credit: Ben Sutherland <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/60179301@N00/15755522″>Tom gurning</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>