A Swansea UKIP candidate has vowed to take over all commercial properties on St Helens Road and any others in Swansea that come across a bit ‘ethnic’. 

Top wanker Pete Bowen has taken time out of his busy schedule of being a prick on social media to knock up the vague policy on the back of a post-it note he found on the floor of a British pub doing a carvery.

Pete said: “I’m not racist and we’re not a racist party but, well, it’s a bit fucking brown down there, don’t you think?

“We’re a credible party with credible, stuff and things, definitely things, probably more-so than the stuff. But there’s stuff in there.

“Look, we can talk ‘policies’ and ‘manifestos’ all day long in the run up to an election, but in my experience as someone who systematically fails I can tell you the people want real action.

“No ones safe either by the way. Did you know the guy who set up Joe’s was Italian? We know shit like this, so wake the fuck up, snowflake.

Bowen continued: “I want a Swansea where I can buy my illegal tobacco and Reader’s Wives UK from someone who was born and bred white British, someone who has Gregg’s sausage rolls for breakfast and someone who’s name doesn’t have a ‘z’ in it, Zoe’s and Zak’s aside. Maybe not Zak because if you’re called Zak you may be homosexual, so you know, not you.

“We’re the only party who can bring you these things and stop all the people from Neath coming over here to steal your jobs.”

Floating voter Theresa Connell said: “I think I’ll probably vote UKIP. I tried to debate something with him and he shouted lots of casually racist comments and told me I should kill myself.

“That’s passion.”

Pete added: “Look at my moustache and unjustifiably arrogant demeanour and tell me they’re not a good reason to vote for me.

“For anyone who’s lazy enough to say we’re a ‘one policy party’, we’re actually now a no policy party now. So get your facts straight.

“Also I smell like beef, British beef.”


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