Conservative Party candidates have reassured voters that their empty, vacuous promises still count as proper promises, because they’re delivered under the premise of a promise.

The party, led by highly skilled u-turners, is pulling out all of the stops to dissuade voters from entertaining voting for dangerous, socially moral parties who think ‘equality’ should be acceptable.

Oystermouth candidate Pete Bowen said: “I’m fairly new at all this, it’s surprisingly easy. You go around listening to people and saying, ‘I’ll sort that out for you, no worries.’ I won’t, I couldn’t if I wanted to, but it’s cool to raise the hopes of people. 

“Long term my aim is to become a shouty man in Westminster, I can laugh when that man who looks like he should be cleaning my badger gun talks about how difficult it is having one leg and a debilitating illness. Just hop and get your parents to pay for private healthcare, what’s wrong with these people?” 

Landore candidate Theresa Bowen added: “I don’t remember half the promises I’ve made, but I made them didn’t I? 

“It’s been a lot of fun so far, I haven’t even been to Landore but I put on my Facebook page that the Conservatives were responsible for building the Liberty Stadium and people seem to buy it.

“Jock Army!” 

Voter Cheryl Gray added: “Its very confusing because they’re responsible for me losing my job and my children now being in poverty. 

“On the other hand they’ve promised less brown people and getting Friends back on Freeview, so I’m probably leaning towards them at the moment.”

photo credit: Cy Evans <a href=”″>Blue Mug</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;