An elderly and disabled seagull has claimed that Theresa May stole her carton of chips from her for a failed photo op, it has emerged.
Seagull Cheryl Gray was about to indulge herself with a monthly treat, which she can barely afford after seeing her disability benefits cut and the likelihood of a no growth pension.
Cheryl said: “I was absolutely ravenous because I can only really afford to eat half a broccoli a day since the Tories came into power.
“I’d just arrived at the seafront and was about to wrap my beak around my chips and she swooped in and deprived me of them, just like she deprives people from having any form of life.”
Theresa May said: “They looked like very strong and stable fried potatoes.
“It brought back some lovely memories of when I was a little girl, when me and my imaginary friend would buy a bag of fried potatoes and goad homeless people with them before throwing them in a lake.
“When I say ‘them’ I mean the fried potatoes and the homeless people.
“We also used to make homosexuals excited by flashing a saveloy at them then we’d read them excerpts from the bible about how they’re dreadful sinners.”
Cheryl squawked: “I’m really upset, but what makes it worse is that she looks so miserable. She can’t even get excited by eating stolen chips, what hope is there?”
photo credit: Mr Jaded <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/97328945@N00/179624641″>See Gull</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a>