A retired five pound note has decided to embark on some part time weekend work as drug paraphernalia.

With the notes now obsolete as legal tender, old fiver Pete Bowen is looking for new ways to occupy his time and is tapping up the lucrative after party market.

Pete said: “I’m at a stage in my life where I’m not as young as I once was.

“In recent years I’ve become a little flimsy, especially if I’ve been kept in a pocket without the protection of a wallet or purse and in contact with human sweat.

“I’m a bit like a soldier who goes out to the Middle East to do highly paid security work after they leave the army. Sure I can’t do battle anymore, but for a fee I can be available to be the link guy between party powders and nostrils.

“I’ve seen it before, groups of people blow all the pretty £10 and £20 notes on a couple of bags of Bolivian and some petrol station Cava and then they’ve got nothing left, that’s where I come in.”

Casual cocaine snorter Theresa Connell said: “I quite like the concept, but in reality you’re better off using rolled up bog roll than an old five pound note.

“I don’t want to sound ageist, but those fivers are as much use to me and a bag of ket as a chocolate teapot.”

Pete added: “Its partly about the money and partly because I’ve become a powder sponge recently.

“Some guy cut himself the biggest line of something I’ve ever seen on Thursday and most of it’s still absorbing into my fading ink. I haven’t slept for three days.”

photo credit: twm1340 <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/89093669@N00/10162477274″>English 5 Pound Note</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;