Theresa May has showcased her creative side by unveiling the tried and tested manifesto pledge of reducing net migration to the tens of thousands.

The Prime Minister, keen to see how little she can do while still being elected, unveiled the plans in North West London to a select audience of blood lines which dated back to definitely-white-Jesus, who was born and raised in Islington.

May said: “Jeremy Corbyn keeps offering pay rises to nurses, protecting pensions, investing in education, giving people nice places to live and recruiting more police officers.

“Some friendly advice Jeremy, that’s not what the people want.

“People want to hear about how I’ve promised to cut net migration for the last 7 years. I’ve failed and stuff, but I said I’d do it and here I am, leading the bloody country.

“Being strong and stable includes being consistent, I’ve consistently failed on this policy but people keep voting for us. Why change a winning formula?

“Maybe I’ll try and do a deal with Etihad so we have the Etihad NHS next? Maybe that’s a bit ethnic, maybe I don’t give a fuck. I’m being voted in anyway.” 

photo credit: The Prime Minister’s Office <a href=”″>PM signs Article 50 letter</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;