A Geography teacher has sauntered into his sixth year of providing careers advice to pupils, with little knowledge about what he’s saying.

Mr Bowen nominated himself to be Head of Careers in the Comprehensive school he works in for the status and ‘few extra quid’ in his pay packet, unaware pupils would want any serious advice.

Mr Bowen said: “I got the gig because I’m the only teacher here with work experience outside of a school, taken from the part time job I had in John Menzies when I did my PGCE.

“I figured it’d be easy enough, just tell the kids to do a degree in a subject on the curriculum then train to teach. It’s not rocket science, whatever that is.

“Trouble is, kids nowadays have completely unrealistic expectations. They think work is all 8:30-6pm, 24/7 emails from your boss and only four weeks of holidays a year. No one can survive those conditions, it’s inhumane.

“One lad came in the other day and said he fancied becoming a carpenter, a bit like Jesus’s Dad. I tried to explain there’s a chance the Bible isn’t real and that B&Q do all that, so a carpenter job probably doesn’t exist. I had a quick look at University prospectuses and there wasn’t a degree in carpentering, so I was right.

“I explained he should probably pursue a degree in religion and become an RE teacher, because of the Jesus link. If he still likes to fondle doors he can work in B&Q when he retires like all the other old teachers.

“Another girl came in saying she wanted a finance related job but didn’t want to go to Uni. I nearly fell off my chair.

“She asked what kind of holidays people working in finance get, I knew it was less than I get so I told her they had around 10 weeks off a year which sounds about right. You can’t function on less.”

Pupil Theresa Connell said: “Mr Bowen has really helped me with my future career plans by giving no advice whatsoever and telling me to become a Teaching Assistant.

“I wanted a job in fashion, but he helpfully crushed that dream because he couldn’t find a degree in it and told me all those jobs must be in China.”

Mr Bowen added: “Fashion? It only exists in magazines. Nothing wrong with tweed and corduroy.

“Looking forward to next year already, you can’t beat providing life changing advice to ambitious young people. Especially when you have no knowledge or training.” 

photo credit: WFULawSchool <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/38420014@N03/29846409496″>Professor Mark Hall</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;