A deluded woman who started a two month temporary contract in Swansea Council this week thinks she’ll only be there for two months. 

23 year old Theresa Connell joined her new team in the Planning department this week, covering someone who’s off sick for the next eight weeks with an itchy foot. 

Theresa said: “This is a short term gig to earn some money before I embark on a glamorous and exciting career in fashion, perhaps PR or one of those new hipster jobs like ‘Global Media Consultant’. 

“There’s nothing wrong with working for the council, it’s just not me. I think I’ll move to London where my creative and entrepreneurial flair can be nurtured and flourish. May even nick an extra spot on Made in Chelsea.” 

Colleague Pete Bowen said: “I started a temp job here just like Theresa. That was in 1998. 

“She’s got no idea what she’s just let herself in for. Sure it all seems a drag to begin with, then you learn about flexitime on a hot, sunny afternoon.  

“You start paying in to the bonus ball kitty, everyone else’s number comes up and yours doesn’t, so you turn down that job in London because you think ‘it must be me next, it’s £50. I can’t leave this now.’

“You speak to that friend who you were supposed to move to London with, he’s stressed, smoking too much weed and paying 60% of his monthly wage on rent.

“Next thing you know you’re creeping up your salary band, salivating over your pension and buying your clothes from George at Asda.” 

Theresa added: “All my colleagues are lovely, when they’re here. 

“I don’t really believe I’ll be here until I retire, although I’m a few days in and I’ve swapped my heels for comfy flats and a woolly cardigan. 

“Maybe I’ll stick around a little longer than the 8 weeks because it’ll be my turn to buy the Aldi coffee that we pour into a Nescafé Gold Blend tin in 10 weeks. 

“Did you know about how many holidays we get here?” 

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