Joe’s Ice Cream has been granted religion status, we can reveal. 

The popular ice cream business has been issued with God level stature for the sheer wizardry of what they can do with cream, sugar, milk and vanilla. 

General Manager Pete Bowen said: “We’re busy spreading our word far and wide. Mumbles, Llansamlet, Cardiff, Llanelli. So to be given the ranking gives us some great kudos. 

“It’s great that Jesus turned water into wine, but it’s not exactly good for the liver. He should’ve tried pouring ingredients into a mixer and creating a delicious treat that can be covered in nuts, chocolate or both. 

“We’re a lot like a church, lots of old people pop in during the week and don’t do very much. We’re busy on weekends and we like to attract kids in, albeit for very different motives.” 

Weekend customer Theresa Connell added: “I’ve been going to Joe’s on the weekend for the best part of a decade, I swear by the stuff. 

“I think ‘I’ll have a two scoop with raspberry sauce, amen’ has quite a nice ring to it. 

“Heaven is the factory in the Enterprise Zone, which should be the Enterprise Cone now really. The bible is the laminated menu on the table and Judas is the teenager who left to work in Verdi’s because the tips are better.” 

Bowen prayed: “Our customer, hallowed be your order. Your order comes, it will be done, in Mumbles or in St Helen’s. Give us this day a knickerbocker glory, forgive us for making bubblegum flavour as we forgive those who buy it. Lead us not into Costa, but deliver us from Kaspas. For thine is the Sundae, the thermal container which lasts forever and ever, amen.”