Parents across Swansea are doing their utmost to hide their ruthless competitive streaks while watching their children in sports day. 

Dad Rob Gray said: “I’ve spent the last week lying to my daughter about ‘just having fun’ and ‘doing your best’. 

“I really meant to say ‘beat Sarah because her smug twat of a Dad earns more money than I do.'”

Mum Theresa Connell told us: “One of the other Mum’s keeps telling me about how her son is so fast because he’s so talented and gifted. He’s only talented if being a precocious little shit is a talent. 

“My Frankie can run rings around him and he’s more handsome, he better had anyway because he’s not getting any more Lego from me until he makes me look better than her.” 

Dad of two Pete Bowen said: “One of my kids runs like one of their legs is a lollipop stick. Useless. 

“So I’ve focussed on the other one, carb loading, protein powder in his morning can of coke, inspirational quotes. Whatever it takes to beat the lad who bit him at a party five years ago. 

“I’ll show them in the parents race, I’ll be running with my elbows out and highlighting that sportsmanship doesn’t get you anywhere.” 

photo credit: Robert Couse-Baker <a href=”″>daily morning run</a> via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;