Middle class people have adopted the Mumbles mile, changed its identity, made it forget who it’s real parents are and added a layer of pomposity to the once popular event, we can reveal.

The social group, dominated by people who talk about cheese and farmers markets, have seized upon the surge of Fair Trade and restaurants with ‘verandas’ in order to keep people with fake tans and neon clothing out of the area.

Environmental Surveyor Pete Bowen said: “We did the Mumbles mile last week. But ironically and with a sense of self-importance.

“Most people start in the nice bars on the top of Newton Road. We started with some chilli infused olives and stinky cheese in the independent deli Olives and Oils.

“After washing down the olives with a flat white, we made our way down ‘the mile’ by going to Seasalt to buy clothes that look exactly like the clothes you get in Fat Face and Joules. Originality is important.

Bowen continued: “When we made our way over the Oyster Wharf, we picked a seat in the middle of the bit that was a car park and talked really loudly about how much equity we have in our homes over mocktails, artisan bread and vitamin pills. 

“We made it to the Gower Seafood Hut for Fritto Misto then we realised we hadn’t meditated for about 3 hours, so we blocked the cycle path while we took turns to sit in meditation pose while we all took photos of each other. 

“We made it to The Pilot for a half of IPA and we were ruined! Fortunately my life partner had some kohlrabi, which was a much needed pick-me-up. 

“It’s my mate Rob’s Birthday next week so we’re going to do it all again because we’re mad. Thankfully the market will be on so we’ll load up on organic stuff before we start.” 

photo credit: Neenabeena <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/94683489@N00/5448290364″>Backyard BBQ</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;