The Department for Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy has confirmed that Theresa May will rubber stamp the Tidal Lagoon, but only if it merges with the Circuit of Wales race track that was recently declined funding in Ebbw Vale.

The move to make the Lagoon multi-functional is an example of cost-effective measures the Government have had to make in order to clawback money spent on acquiring the services of the DUP.

Tory spokesperson Pete Bowen said: “This proposal is the ultimate efficiency offer in our opinion. Welsh Government deciding not guarantee the Circuit of Wales is blessing for us, Ebbw Vale is a bit of a Labour stronghold, so we’ll remove the track from there and lump it on the Lagoon which will hopefully win back some MPs in Swansea West and Gower.

“Hinkley Point is a bit of a pain, you can’t really use it for anything more than Nuclear Power, you can barely play hide and seek. But the Tidal Lagoon is even shaped like a race track, so it just seems to make sense.

Bowen added: “There’s an environmental issue, apparently, but who cares? If the Lagoon creates some renewable energy then surely the emissions from the race track will just all balance out? That’s the rough way of running of the country we’ve been going with up until now and we’re still here.”

Council spokesperson Theresa Connell said: “It’s a ‘different’ concept but it maybe a little counterproductive, especially the bit about having a petrol station in the middle of the Lagoon.

“Theresa May has also been hinting at having a shooting range on there so all the Tories can come down on weekends and kill birds, mainly due to the impending failure of her motion to introduce fox hunting.”

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