Restaurant chain McDonald’s have announced that they’ll be piloting another method of forcing their food into you, via intravenous drip while you sleep.
Following the announcements of table service in Skewen and home deliveries in Swansea, the chain have decided to cover all bases and introduce the ‘McDrip’.
Franchise owner Pete Bowen said: “Sales declined dramatically when people realised there may be ‘health risks’ related to having too many Big Mac meals, which was McFake News.
“Then there was that documentary by the man with the moustache, which was completely unfair. I mean, if you take heroin every day it’ll have a negative effect on you, so I never really saw the argument he was trying to make.
“Food, or what we pass on as food, is a competitive industry and we have stay one step ahead of the game. So someone in HQ came up with targeting people who are sleeping.
“In essence, we’ll reverse the processing of say chicken nuggets and take them back to their liquidised state. Then, as you sleep, we sneak into your room and mainline that beautiful pink goo straight into your system.
“I’m no marketeer or strategist, but it’s genius.”
McDonalds customer Theresa Connell said: “I’ve been upping my McDonalds intake quite a bit recently and I have been feeling like waking up, getting into my car, driving there and having to go through the effort of winding down the window to order at the drive thru an unnecessary burden.
“Fill me up Ronald.”
photo credit: yoppy <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/44124362019@N01/639108699″>chicken nuggets of KFC</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/”>(license)</a>