A respectable middle class family have been forced to hold crisis talks about their Dad’s intentions to go outside in Adidas shorts.

The Gray family from Limeslade were planning on meeting the Bowen family from Newton on Langland beach this weekend, but plans were disrupted when Rob Gray was seen rummaging around his pants drawer looking for his navy Adidas shorts he’d bought from Sports Direct for £3 in 2011.

Rob’s wife Cheryl said: “A beach date with the Bowen’s is like brunch with the Cameron’s. Completely insufferable but a fair price to pay for a ticket to social acceptance and invites to Bistro Pierre.

“It’s just classic Rob to fuck it up for me and the kids, the shorts he wants to wear aren’t even from Newton Road, Billabong or John Lewis and I think the white stain on the front is paint, but who knows? They haven’t been washed for three years.

“That Pete Bowen will be wearing some sort of tan coloured shorts with a little man on them, probably playing polo or eating expensive cheese, a pastel coloured shirt and a resoundingly smug face.”

Rob added: “My Adidas shorts are the most versatile bit of kit I’ve ever splurged on.

“I do DIY in them, I run in them, I swim in them, they’re ultra comfy for when my IBS flares up and long enough to hide any protruding testicles. That’s a win, win in my book.”

Daughter Millie Gray added: “When Daddy wears his funny smelling shorts he usually wears his Ibiza ’02 t-shirt too which has a 16 year old Charlotte Church’s Rear of the Year picture on it.

“She’s a massive lefty so that’s a big problem.”

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