A Gendros man who claims to 'work hard and play hard', definitely spends more time being smashed than doing any meaningful work.
Stationary Sales Manager Pete Bowen, 28, makes out he's some sort of corporate bigwig on a six figure salary who burns the candle at both ends, when really he's a middle earning skiver with a penchant for low purity cocaine.
Bowen said: "Some of the guys in Head Office call me the Wolf of Wireless Keyboards. Most of my clients don't know if I'm going to empty their petty cash tin or neck a can of Strongbow before lunch. I'm an animal.
"I'm a sales beast between the hours of 11:00 and 14:30, but then I use my 'admin time' to hit the pub. Who cares? I'm hitting target. I think.
"My Mondeo doubles up as my office and somewhere I sleep my hangover off in motorway service stations. Life doesn't get much better than this, I've tasted success for my starter and I'm ready for the main course."
Bowen's colleague Theresa Connell said: "I process Pete's expenses every month and he's always putting in claims for Amber Leaf, it was funny at first but he's been clinging onto this job for 6 months now.
"Pete's that guy who sits in a meeting paying no attention then walks out when his phone rings, walks back in claiming he's won a load of business when he hasn't. I think the shorter description is thats he's a twat."
Bowen continued: "I wear really shiny suits and really skinny ties because that's probably what the people who work in banks wear.
"When I wear my suit up the pub everyone's always really impressed, especially when they ask me what I sell and I tell them 'solutions'.
"Anyway it's Friday, I'm going to shift some post-it notes to a charity in town then hit the pub, but not for too long because my bank account, like my morals, is bankrupt."