A woman from Mumbles hasn’t ventured past Blackpill for ‘about 6 years now’, it has emerged.

42 year old Theresa Connell revealed the news to her close circle of well mannered but irritatingly raucous friends in Bistro Pierre on Saturday evening.

Theresa said: “I was quite surprised myself when I did the maths, but is it really a bad thing? I think I made it to West Cross around 18 months ago, but I encountered an uncouth man who offered me a takeaway flyer which subsequently triggered a panic attack.”

Theresa’s friend Cheryl Gray said: “I asked her what she thought about the parking at M&S food in Fforestfach but then she asked ‘what’s a Fforestfach’.

“I tried to explain what an out of town retail park and H&M were but she rightly queried where you could buy sourdough bread and Fat Face from.”

Theresa continued: “I’m no snob, just the other day I said hello to the bin men, I even told my son to wave at them, not for too long because we utterly adore our lawyer neighbour with the Jag and I wouldn’t want him to get jealous.

“My kids think that a Debenhams is a resort in Benidorm and I’m OK with that.

“I call Mumbles ‘the village’ and it caters for all of our needs. Do I need a Wilko in my life? Does anyone, really?”

Cheryl added: “By the time we finished our meal and several bottles of Sauvignon Blanc, I felt thoroughly ashamed about accusing Theresa of living in a ‘Mumbles bubble’ and vowed to never pass the Norton House Hotel again.

“All this time I’ve been exposing my family to the dangers of value retailers and blue collar workers, when really they should’ve been looking at Swansea City Centre as an ironic family sight seeing holiday to a South American slum.”

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