Parents across Swansea are already frantically pricing up holiday clubs to pack their kids off to, it's been confirmed.

With the holidays barely even started yet, parents are already at breaking point with the unreasonable little shits wanting attention, activities and extravagant breakfasts like crumpets as if they're on a fucking cruise or something.

Mum Theresa Connell from Waunarlwydd said: "I'm sat here watching Paw Patrol and not The Wright Stuff and wondering if I can take them into school anyway. The gates are all locked so they could just play in the playground all day perfectly safely.

"Who wakes up earlier when on holidays than they normally do when they have things to do? Children. Mine also jump on my head."

Dad Pete Bowen added: "I haven't had any time off work since Christmas and I remember why now.

"I'm not religious, but I'm contacting churches, mosques and young offenders institutes so that someone, anyone, can just take them off my hands.

"No ones having it though, turns out we're not all God's children after all and using my expensive vinyls as frisbees isn't actually a crime."

Mum Cheryl Gray added: "Why would I want to spend my Monday painting low rent art and looking for bugs? I'd rather day drink and have a sneaky Marlboro Light before the school run like I usually do.

"I'm happy to fork out the money to be rid of them. I'm going to Ibiza for two weeks with the girls next week and I don't care if paying the money out eats into my drug fund.

"I read all these memes about how my generation left home at sunrise and our curfew was the streetlights coming on or some shit.

"What's happened to those days? I blame the EU or Brexit or whatever."