A man who used to play for St Josephs in the Swansea Senior League doesn't have to wait much longer to share all his knowledge of the game with the professionals, by abusing them from the stands and shouting utter bollocks.
38 year old Pete Bowen was part of the famous St Josephs side that came second, or maybe third, but definitely in the top half of the league in the club's legendary 2003/04 season.
Bowen said: "They don't know the half of it these 'professionals'. Try West End away up Paradise Park son, proper battles. None of this poncey possession football bullshit.
"Football is all about lumping the crap out of your opponents in the first five minutes, let 'em know you're there. Not 'tactics', it's a physical game, not chess.
"They need more grass root lads on the coaching teams at these clubs. Me, Dai the Perv and Ted, or Bundy as we call him, go to all the Swans games and talk football sense, so we're entitled to shout and swear at the players.
"Bundy had trials at Scunthorpe."
Bowen's wife Theresa said: "The football season starting again means Pete will be talking about how 'Angel Rangel should've smashed it in row Z', I don't know what that means and I don't know if that's even a real player.
"But he's either out of the house for a few hours or he's upstairs illegally streaming games which gets him out from under my feet."
Bowen continued: "I'm pretty sure Gylfi Sigurdsson is waiting on my opinion before he stays or leaves. It all hangs on whether I call him a shithouse or a legend.
"Looking forward to being reunited with the squad, loudly bossing the game from the stands and ruining everyone's day like the North banker I am."
photo credit: Ronnie Macdonald <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/7332125@N04/18379294275">Swansea players prepare 2</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>