A man at his first dinner party is wondering when the subject of recreational drugs will be coming up.

35 year old Pete Bowen and his new accountant girlfriend Theresa, both from Morriston, were invited over to Theresa’s colleagues house for tedious conversation and flavourless food.

Social Media freelancer Pete said: “They have a very lovely house and I agree that ‘Sketty is well positioned for the perfect blend of coastal and urban living’, the conversation has progressed past work, finally, and everyone is a lot more relaxed after several bottles of Villa Maria.

“Trouble is, I’ve hit this level of pissed before and I’ll go one of two ways now, aggressive vomiting drunk or life and soul of the party after a few lines of bugle.”

Theresa said: “Pete keeps looking around and scoping everyone out and I’m not sure why.

“He’s asked if the mirror on Theresa’s wall comes off easily and mentioned how the new £5 note ‘has a longer life span but is a bit harsh on the nose’ six times now.”

Bowen added: “No one seems to be biting and I get a bit jaws-y after the first couple of lines, so I can’t really go this one alone. Come to think of it no ones even had a cigarette yet.

“What are these people?”

Cheryl’s husband Rob telepathically said: “I see you Pete. You’re new to this, but you’re not ready are you? You’re not ready to confine yourself to all of this crap.

“You’re craving regular trips to the toilet with another man while thinking you’re being subtle aren’t you?

“Listen to my mind Pete. I’m on board, but wait until after Cheryl’s sponge cake because it’s so dry it’ll make you feel like you’re spitting cotton, which is the last thing you need when you’re right off it.”