Vegans and non vegans are entangled in a vegan themed war over vegan food, it’s been revealed. Vegan.
The battle between the vegan states started after the last Uplands Market, when vegans arrived to buy vegan cheesecakes only to leave empty handed by callous milk drinking non vegan monsters.
Non vegan Pete Bowen from Uplands said: “Veganism is still bang on trend on social media.
“The country is fucked, the world’s falling apart and I haven’t had a pay rise since 2010, so Instagram likes is the modern day version of earning loads of money, buying a nice house and generally being happy. Social media likes is the only growth economy we know.
“I stumbled across a vegan stall while eating a wild boar burger at 9:30am and I knew it was time for me to up my hashtag game and invest in vegan.”
Vegan Sian Hughes from Sketty said: “It was a particularly sunny morning so my sun salutations had dragged on a bit longer than they should.
“I thought I’d wander down to the Market so I could bask in glorious awareness and be present with some fellow vegans, before treating myself to a vegan pumpkin cheesecake and a slab of vegan cheese.
“However, by the time I got there it had all been sold to people who were literally sweating beads of animal death.”
Bowen added: “It was great, I got home and uploaded pictures of the vegan food onto Instagram followed by 40 vegan and lifestyle related hashtags and accumulated a record breaking 57 likes in 20 minutes.
“It was a good days work all in all and I won’t lie, I achieved a smugness level of smug that I imagine vegan Scandinavians can only achieve.”
Theresa continued: “There was no zen anywhere, it was troubling. I looked for the blue sky past the grey clouds but all I could think of was how much I wanted a fucking vegan pumpkin cheesecake.”
Bowen said: “The vegan cheesecake was actually quite nice in the end, I was expecting something tasteless and vomit inducing with kale embedded into it.
“Plus #veganfoodshare scored me 20 new followers. Kerching.”
NOTE: We’re a satire page but not here to cause offence, vegans included. We’re not anti vegan or anti meat, but do support a real understanding of where food come from.
If like me you want to understand veganism a bit more, do some reading on actual fact based sites like:
Or more locally:
photo credit: massdistraction <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/49503124519@N01/120257691″>apple cinnamon swirl vegan cheesecake</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a>