A new substance landing in Swansea in September is set to become the most addictive in the city, South Wales Police have confirmed.
The ‘Krispy Kreme’ originates in America and has a complex structure of secret ingredients which hooks users in, with many never able to pass a shop without purchasing a ‘Classic Dozen’ for £10.95.
South Wales Police spokesperson DI Pete Bowen said: “When meow meow arrived in Swansea it took off faster than my wife did with Jim from Accounts. But this Krispy Kreme looks like it’ll blow the meow out of the water.
“We’ve been sent some shocking images from the States which highlights the effects it has on users. Unlike say, heroin or meth, users become huge and grow additional chins. A bit like I did before Carol ran off with Jim.
“As if the addiction issue isn’t pressing enough, we’re also in the middle of a complicated debate about whether it’s pronounced Krispy ‘Krem’ or Krispy ‘Cream’. We’ve only just recovered from the Preemark/Pr-eye-mark debacle.”
Former Krispy Kreme user Theresa Connell said: “I’m devastated, I moved to Swansea to escape my addiction and now it’s come back to haunt me.
“I’ve been ticking along nicely over the last couple of years, I’ve been clean from KK and surviving on a Dinky Donuts script and crack.
“All that hard work and crack will be gone to waste. It’s frustrating because I’m smoking crack other recovering Krispy Kreme addicts could be smoking.”
DI Bowen added: “We sent someone from undercover to London to gain intelligence on the Krispy Kreme and it didn’t work out well.
“We eventually found him outside the London Victoria branch completely naked and slathering himself in the filling from the Strawberries and Kreme version of the drug.”
photo credit: ironypoisoning <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/22251936@N00/18610608564″>Krispy Kreme in Taipei.</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a>