A chivalrous man has reassured his girlfriend that she needn’t worry about him having an affair because he’s only masturbating when he’s working late at the office.

28 year old trainee Accountant Pete Bowen made the admission to girlfriend Theresa Connell when she confronted him about all the extra hours he was doing at his firms office on Walter Road.

Bowen said: “I had to put Theresa’s mind at rest, I’d never cheat on her because that would be dreadful.

“I’m just an honest trainee bean counter with a penchant for chav porn.

“Loads of the guys I work with are off to the pub and doing and saying things behind their partners backs, I’m far more vanilla than all of that.

“When everyone at work clocks off to conduct themselves in depraved manners, I’m logging on to watch Stacey from Canvey Island be double teamed by two Polish factory workers.

“Theresa’s really got nothing to worry about.”

Theresa responded: “I thought he was having an affair, he told me he was studying for his AAT exams. I was understandably dubious.

“The chav things a bit strange, but not as strange as spending two hours a night studying to be an accountant.

“I mean, cheating on me would be bad but when he was actively wanting to be an accountant I was worried.

“No one really wants to bring an accountant home. So I was relieved about all the wanking in the end because it means he’ll probably fail his exams and could make a more honest living like stripping for men online or something in the public sector.”

Bowen continued: “She should’ve just asked, I’m really upset that Theresa thought I’d be such a bad person.

“I spend 7 hours a day charging clients while doing tasks an iPhone app could probably do, so I masturbate around the office instead of cheating on my partner.

“I guess I’m one of the good guys.”

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