Students starting at Swansea University next academic year have been busily looking at all the nice things Swansea has to offer, before they never go to see any of them.

The University, waiting to welcome new students like a rigged fruit machine in Maggie Dicks waiting for a drunk person with change, has developed a range of literature to showcase everything the City has to offer.

18 year old Pete Bowen from Warrington said: “I can’t wait to get away from the rows of terraced HMO properties I live by and move to Bryn Road.

“My new place is only 5 miles away from somewhere called Langland Beach, that’s walking distance. I’m sure I’ll be down there all the time and I’ll probably be able to take up surfing with welcoming surfers from the area.”

Theresa Connell from Derby said: “Oh look, stand up paddle boarding! As if I’d spend my time in the student union bar when I can stand up on a paddle board.

“Is Swansea Beach that blue all the time? I bet it is. It’ll make a change from dreary Derby, in winter Derby is always really grey and misty and the brochure makes Kilvey Hill look like the Peak District on a rare sunny day, which is just like home but with nice weather all year long.”

Rob Gray from Coventry said: “I’m looking forward to leaving Coventry because the City Centre here is a bleak, sprawling redevelopment following bombings in World War 2. The brochure looks nothing like that and Swansea looks like it has a modern City Centre.

“Is that a Costa I can see? Oh is there two or three, and a Starbucks? I just hope there’s some Tesco stores in Swansea, or is it too cosmopolitan for all that?

“I can’t wait to check out the Potters Wheel, it looks like a massive micro brewery with cultured Dylan Thomas types frequenting it at 10am on a Tuesday.

“Fortunately I’m studying engineering so I’m usefully placed off a dual carriageway after the M4. I can’t wait to take in the views of the pier from my room, I think I’ll leave the binoculars at home for this.”

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