A study carried out by Swansea University has found that if Dylan Thomas were alive today, he’d be eking out a career blogging about his day to day relationship and gluten problems and writing verses for greetings cards to earn extra cash.
The study, which ran into the hundreds of pounds, concluded that Thomas would’ve attempted to develop a career as a writer, but his genius would be lost on the modern generation.
It also stated Thomas would find himself turning down opportunities to write for EastEnders and Mrs Brown’s Boys – despite both somehow being award winning shows.
Researcher Pete Bowen said: “Its a fascinating insight into modern reading and viewing habits.
“Dylan would’ve had to have changed his style completely in order to make some money out of his works and in doing so, would blog about veganism and clean eating in order to save face.
“Utterly tragic really.”
Bowen continued: “Thomas was part of the modernism movement, but would’ve found himself frequenting trendy coffee shops and restaurants that only serve tofu based meals. He would constantly be questioning reason and would become some dreadful, postmodernist hipster monster.
“It wouldn’t have all been bad though, we definitely think he’d have vaped if he’d been around now and would’ve swapped alcohol in grimy pubs for juice bars. So he’d have probably lived longer.”
The study found the Under Milk Wood would’ve still been developed by Thomas, but as a script highlighting the perils of the dairy industry and cruelty to calves. A Child’s Christmas in Wales would be based on a seven year old who didn’t receive an iPod from Santa.
Bowen concluded: “There’s not a great deal of call for poets nowadays, so he’d have inevitably turned to the greetings card market to earn enough money for a one bed flat in Mirador Crescent.
“We mocked up what a Thomas greetings card for a 21st birthday would be:
‘Do not go gentle, drink Jäger, have a fight,
Rave on in Fiction until Sunday daylight;
Do ket and smoke weed until you lose your sight.’
“Has it really come to this?”