The Conservative Party has promised to make the implementation of Universal Credit as seamless and socially responsible as everything else they do.

Party representatives were present at Swansea Job Centre today watching desperate people via live stream from the CCTV camera in the centre.

Tory hanger on Pete Bowen said: “It was great watching the security footage, we played a fun game of ‘I spy’ where we tried to spot the people who’d actually eat a horse because they’re so hungry.

“It’s funny because they can’t afford an oven.”

Pete’s sexually frustrated girlfriend Theresa Connell said: “Because the CCTV was being streamed into an office on the 10th floor of an office it enabled us to look down on people in every way possible.

“I saw one of Daddy’s tenants wobble in looking for money to pay her rent. It was really insightful in that respect because by the time she got home she’d been evicted. And her kids.

“That’s the kind of efficiency level our Party can provide. It’s what you voted for, remember?”

Bowen continued: “David Gauke played a blinder when he continued Iain Duncan Smith’s policy to fully implement this just before Christmas.

“What a gift to the people not paying tax who aren’t rich.”

Theresa added: “Things really stepped up when I shouted ‘no deal’ at the guy who needed to live.

“I don’t understand why people can’t just budget. Just because you have less money every month doesn’t mean you can’t afford to pay for higher costs of living.”

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