Great Western Railway have decided to go one step further from having no bilingualism on their services and will just ban all Welsh people from getting on their shiny new trains.

The company operate a number of services, including the Swansea to London Paddington route.

GWR spokesperson Pete Bowen said: “We opted against including Welsh language on our service because we used up our Government subsidy on a lavish launch party for Westminster ministers.

“After that we got to thinking, I mean, would you leave someone from Neath rummage around your wife’s new jewellery box? Or have someone from Penlan walk around your new cream carpet with their muddy, horse shit drenched Nike Airs?

“There’s been some concerns around a drop in revenue, but we wouldn’t have been in business this long without succession planning. The long and short of it is that we’ll recoup the shortfall from the taxpayer.”

Mr Bowen continued: “We still have English people travelling in on match days, when Cardiff play around 50 away fans use the service and a few thousand make their way to Swansea.

“Not a fucking ‘diolch yn fawr’ in sight, thank you very much.”

Passenger Theresa Connell from Mount Pleasant said: “They kicked me off at Port Talbot the other day because I called the ticket collector ‘mush’.

“I don’t want to go on their phallic looking train anyway. Give me a freezing cold Arriva Train Wales any day of the week.”