A man from Morriston has announced that he’s arrived at midlife crisis stage by signing up for a triathlon.
44 year old Account Manager Pete Bowen made the decision while balancing a bag of KP nuts on his stomach and thinking about how he could make himself more attractive to his new 22 year old work colleague.
Bowen said: “It was a slightly rash decision given I’ve not done any physical exercise for 28 years, but that’s what being young and attractive is all about.
“I went out yesterday and spontaneously spent four grand on a bike and £500 on Lycra, I’ve also changed my Twitter handle from @petebowen3 to @triathletePete69 so I’m completely ready.
“Plus the ‘69’ really shows off my playful side in a totally non-creepy way.”
Pete’s wife Theresa said: “I came home and found Pete sat on the bed wearing cycling shorts and slowly pulling them over his thighs. He was giggling about how his protruding leg hairs looked like little worms.
“I’d rather have the sports car if I’m honest.”
Bowen added: “Over the coming weeks I’m going for a full pubic revamp by growing a beard and shaving my balls. You’ve got to take the rough with the smooth, am I right?
“I was third in my school cross country in 1988, I’ve been talking about it a lot recently. You don’t just lose that, you’re born with that ‘top 3 mentality’ and it stays with you forever.
“My new physique will look tremendous in my extra skinny metallic Burton suit too, especially with my new “you-can-look-but-you-can’t-touch-oh-maybe-just-a-little-bit” attitude.
“It’s sick. The good sick all us young people preach about.”