The newly branded ‘Mumbles Town Council’ have settled into Town Council life by making big time Town Council decisions like big time Town Councillors do.

Just over half of the Council, enjoying their elevated status from all that Community nonsense, passed a vote by one yesterday to transform West Cross into the new Panama.

Town Councillor Pete Bowen said: “I woke up this morning feeling like my penis had grown an extra inch. It hadn’t, I was just mildly aroused by having a Mayor for the next Twinning party.

“Let me put this into context, as ‘Community Councillors’ we vote on whether we should have an extra bin in the Castle. As ‘Town Councillors’ we’re flooding West Cross with laundered drug money.”

Fellow Councillor Rob Gray said: “Er, we have like an M&S coming, so we’re basically Kensington now.

“Mumbles is home to the World’s largest collection of nautical clothing and we have the only Jones Bar. It’s not a Community, it’s a metropolis. This is the right thing to do.”

Pro-Town Council member Theresa Connell said: “Transitioning into a Town is marvellous for the area, but there’s always the thorny ‘West Cross issue’.

“What differentiates us from Community Councillors is our ability to think on our feet, so we’re transforming the Warwick Place flats into a huge safety deposit box for people who don’t want to pay any tax on their earnings.”

Councillor Bowen added: “Next month we’re voting on a congestion charge for modified Vauxhall Corsa’s and Kia’s, a levy tax on Adidas and a new President who we anticipate will be Nansi the Gorilla from the pier power dressed like an 80s Bonnie Tyler.”

photo credit: deadmanjones <a href=”″>Mumbles</a&gt; via <a href=””>photopin</a&gt; <a href=””>(license)</a&gt;