A man, who used to smoke and can’t remember why he quit, has joined his work colleagues in utter disgust at how badly his colleague who smokes smells.

Guildhall Administrator Pete Bowen briefly basked in the glory of colleague Rob Gray’s scent of cigarettes and damp before remembering he does CrossFit now.

Bowen said: “It was 10:37 when Rob came in from his fag break and momentarily I wanted to leap across my desk and suck on his stained fingers to release some seriously pent up tension. But then I remembered I must hate him for all of this.

“My colleague Theresa said ‘you stink of fags Rob’, at first I wasn’t sure if it was a compliment or not, but it definitely wasn’t because she looked really judgemental and her face was all scrunched up.

“I said ‘yeah Rob, you’re a disgusting cancer on this office’ before I moved a little closer to take in his heavenly scent.”

Smoker Rob said: “Theresa’s a fine one to talk; she was hoovering up cocaine in the staff party last month. She’s very judgemental for someone who shares a bed with her dog.”

Bowen added: “I like the winter because Rob wears his suit jacket outside to smoke and I wear it when he’s out of the office to help me remind me how good I used to smell.”