The fashion world has been instructed to stay well out of Swansea today, as swarms of aspirational socialites head out to get shitfaced on anything other than Beaujolais wine for Beaujolais Day.
The day, which is inexplicably celebrated every year, will attract record numbers of questionable styles this year, with the city centre expected to be engulfed in a cloud of fake tan and ‘banter’.
Call Centre worker Pete Bowen, 31, said: “I’ve got a really shiny navy suit this year from Moss, which I’m going to wear with a black shirt and polka dot bow tie. I know it’s a progressive look because David Beckham hasn’t even dressed like it yet.
“I’m taking my birds iPhone into Cash Converters at midday, so after that I’m going to get right on it. Or should I say right off it like!”
Estate Agent Theresa Connell, 26, said: “Sequined fishtail prom dress which shows off my giant serpent tattoo that goes from my neck down to, well, you’ll see now in about 6 hours.
“A lot of jealous people try and poke fun out of us for not being original, well my sequin ball gown is very original because it’s like one of those cushions you rub that has a hidden message. The message underneath says ‘Happy bowjowlay day’.”
Electrician Rob Gray said: “I’m going in tweed, because when I do ketamine on Thursday afternoons I like to look like a country gent.
“This is our Oscars.”
photo credit: jayRaz <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/24174433@N04/16647247649″>Boogie</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a> <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/”>(license)</a>