Grown ups who say ‘Fri-yay’ will be ostracised from normal life and have their basic human rights stripped from them under tough new laws.
The move, backed by Welsh Government, is being introduced to prevent irritants often found in workplaces with ‘funny’ mugs on their desks.
Welsh Government spokesperson Pete Bowen said: “We’ve all encountered ‘that’ colleague who ruins what should be a nice day by speaking like a teenage Instagram addict.
“People have the right to be as miserable and unproductive on a Friday as they are on a Monday, we don’t need positive people creating variations of names of days.
“That’s why we’re cutting the education budget and pouring millions into eradicating this abomination.”
Comedy mouse mat owner Theresa Connell, 42, said: “It’s Fri-yay everyone, can I get a woop, woop? Woop, woop chicken soup!
“My 8:30 entrances into the office on a Fri-yay are legendary. Friday isn’t Friday without my Fri-yay, everyone loves it.
“Oi, oi saveloy!”
Theresa’s colleague Rob Gray added: “I’m just happy to make it through one day at a time without being given any new responsibilities.
“If I’m seen to be happy in any way then I’ll be mistaken for enjoying my job. Fridays are great, but for extended Facebook time and Googling how to murder a colleague and get away with it.”
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