A couple from Kittle have been rocked by the news that their 5 year old wants to work in the tip when he’s older.

Nespresso machine owners Rob and Cheryl Gray were blissfully unaware of son Frankie’s future career plans, having already paid for two terms in Oakleigh House.

Rob said: “The tip? I admit there’s less noble careers out there, like being an accountant, but even they don’t wear PPE.

“We’ve spent years cosying up to retired professional athletes, networking with affluent families in charity events and selling our soul to the PTA, oh my Christ the shitting PTA.”

Wife Cheryl added: “I’ve been telling myself it’s just a phase and it’ll pass.

“We prepared ourselves for a tracksuit phase in year 5, maybe even a dabble with socialism in Oxford University, but this has blindsided us.

“The people in the tip are helpful and non-judgemental, that’s not what you pay £2,000 a term for reception class in Oakleigh. The extra curricular lessons in pomposity in particular has been a giant waste of money.

“I just hope he finds something in Management there and in the Derwen Fawr site because it’s a better class of tip.”

Son Frankie said: “I like the tip because it’s a metaphor for all of the unrealistic dreams I’ll be crushing for my parents over the next 13 years.

“Plus smashing stuff up is cool.”

Cheryl’s Dad and Frankie’s ‘pop-pop’ Pete Bowen added: “Cheryl’s from Treboeth originally and I’m a retired bin man.

“I planted this seed in Frankie’s head and I’m enjoying watching this unfold.”

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