David Davis has offered up his negotiation skills to Swansea Council to help secure the new cable car scheme planned for Kilvey Hill.

The Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, buoyed by another week of sodomising the country, offered up his services despite being tired from all the rolling over he’s doing in Brussels and lying in Parliament.

Davis said: “I think I’m perfect for this scheme, it’s going to cost £70m so I’ll secure about £20m of funding and escalate the costs to £100m.

“I won’t tell anyone how I’ve done it, because that’s negotiation. You play your cards close to your chest in order to hide your incompetence.

“You’d know that if you went to business school like me.”

Council spokesperson Pete Bowen said: “Its a kind offer from David, but if I wanted to go and buy a nice dine in for £10 meal from M&S and end up with a tin of Aldi own brand beans I’d send my frugal father in law.

“With David in charge we’d start with a cable car scheme and end up with some sort of ridiculous scheme like a bendy bus that we dig up the city centre to accommodate, can you imagine how stupid that would be?”

Davis added: “You know there’ll be a report into how I cock this up don’t you? But don’t worry, I’ll blank all the negative stuff out and the only words you’ll see will be ‘Neath’ and ‘nuclear weapons’.

“Even better, instead of being able to actually see Swansea, the cable car will just move in a cycle of recession and despair until you vote for us again and we kill you all.”

photo credit: lewishamdreamer <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/26503210@N00/2592358916″>42 Days: David Davis</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

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