A man who has a cold, which can’t just be a cold because he’s at deaths door, is exacerbating his illness by sinking to worrying levels of self-pity.

34 year old Pete Bowen from Llansamlet was ‘struck down’ by his illness 12 hours ago and has made sure everyone knows about it by reminding them every 10 minutes.

Bowen said: “I sneezed seven times in a row last night. Somethings not right there. That’s probably a world record isn’t it? I’d look it up, but times precious for me now.

“I was in the frozen food aisle in Tesco earlier and I was so cold I nearly shivered. I searched online at what it could be, it doesn’t look good.”

Bowen’s girlfriend Theresa Connell said: “He told me he couldn’t help me cook dinner in case he fainted, but was alright when he decided to go and get himself a beer and a packet of crisps.

“Helpfully though, every 10 minutes or so he lets out a big sigh and a moan. All in all, he doing my bloody head in.”

Bowen added: “I guess going to my Mother in Law’s tomorrow is out of the question for me. There’s certainly no hope of me doing anything practical.

“I may manage to get out for a pint to watch the football with the lads though, the fresh air will do me good.”

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