The Conservative Party has hit back at a UN report which condemns their treatment of the most vulnerable in society, by advising people to stop reading facts.

The report also goes on to confirm that Tory policies have caused unnecessary misery on families who live in one of the richest countries in the world, but did fail to address the fact there’s loads of terrible jobs around.

Local Tory Councillor Pete Bowen said: “Well, yes, if you’re stupid enough to listen to credible reports it won’t sound very good.

“Ask yourself this though, was it on the front page of the Daily Mail? Nope, something about money going to jihadists was. Daily Express? Some shit about Brexit. The Sun? Some shit about a dancer from Strictly maybe having sex.

“You need to be a bit more intelligent about where you get your news from and you should definitely avoid the facts.

“We don’t manipulate the media by giving tax breaks to moguls for you to listen to someone like the UN.”

Cold Pensioner Theresa Connell said: “I definitely don’t regret voting Conservative at the election.

“The daily choice I have to make about whether to eat or stay warm is probably what’s keeping me alive. It keeps the old mind working, which is handy given Austerity is helping to slash mental health care.”

Councillor Bowen added: “Everyone’s kicking up a fuss because Theresa May’s cabinet falling apart, which is all a fuss about nothing because we’ll screw the country over regardless of who’s in post.

“It’s all down to interpretation. Some think resignations are occurring because we’re incapable of managing the country, but despite all this people still vote for us, so let the misery continue.”

photo credit: The Prime Minister’s Office <a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/49707497@N06/37846040302″>PM at European Council summit</a> via <a href=”http://photopin.com”>photopin</a&gt; <a href=”https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/2.0/”>(license)</a&gt;

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