Swansea is ready to ‘culture the crap’ out of today ahead the City of Culture winner announcement on tonight’s The One Show.

The city, home to such cultural heritage such as Dylan Thomas and that Tango advert, is pulling together for one last effort ahead of Alex Jones’s sexy Welsh voice announcing the winner this evening.

Mechanic Pete Bowen said: “I’m going into work with matching socks and I’m going to buy a ‘baguette’ for my cultural lunch.

“Then, when I’m on the bog later, I’m going to look through images of beautiful UK architecture on Instagram instead of pictures of Lucy Pinder’s tits.”

Health care worker Theresa Connell said: “Last effort now, we’re going to show the residents in the care home Lubaina Himid’s Turner Prize winning piece before bingo and forced naps.

“After work we’re going to take the kids to Cimla so they can fully appreciate the beauty of living somewhere that isn’t Cimla.”

DVLA worker Rob Gray said: “I’m going to work today in a vest to show off my Celtic tattoo.

“Then I’m going to get myself to The Red Lion after work before going home to suck on my bong. Culturally.”

Back the bid, one last time, at: http://www.swansea2021.co.uk/

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