*insert player name* has confirmed that the slump in form has hit the players harder than any of the fans who are shelling out for tickets and that the next game against *insert opposition team* is definitely a must win one.

*insert player name* also explained that he understands the fans frustrations, but things are changing and they’re feeling positive about the next game because why not?

*insert player name* said: “Me and the lads have said since the first week of the season we need to improve, but talk is cheap and so is the board.

“We can get out of this, we just have to believe. Believing is the key to all this. We all need to believe, because the reason we’re on the verge of relegation is because there’s not enough believing going on.”

*insert player name* added: “We know there’s strength in the squad and we know we can play better. We’ve maintained this mantra for months, so we’ve at least been consistent all season.

Next week it’s *insert players name*’s turn to give this same speech to the press, oh no it’s not, we’ll be on holiday! Every cloud.

“We’ve watched the Swansea City film which I think is called the Lion King or something, so we know about the history of the club and the ‘way of the Swansea’, led by the ambitious young winger Simba who was on loan from Aston Villa.”

Fan Pete Bowen said: “They said this last week, and last month. I’m ‘believing’ before every kick off but I end up questioning why I’m spending my money on lacklustre performances.

“If I wanted to do that I’d buy tickets to watch Lee Mack live.”

Huw Jenkins, Martin Morgan, Leigh Dineen and the American investors added: “We’ll miss Man City away the most because the hospitality is excellent.”